Monday, April 8, 2019

Penguin Audio Tapes - Batman: Arkham City (2011)

Tape One: 

Penguin: I'm only doing this as a courtesy, Strange. Don't think you've beaten me.

Strange: I just thought we could both benefit from a little talk, Mr Cobblepot.

Penguin: Don't try that psycho mumbo jumbo with me, Strange. I'm not like the other crazies.

Strange: Of course not, after all, considering the... challenges you've faced.

Penguin: Challenges? What freakin' Challenges? You're not better than me. No one is. I own this place.

Strange: Well, to be clear, I allow you certain freedoms, but let's continue. Why do you feel the need to own anything? I believe it is a mechanism to compensate for some childhood inadequacy. You were friends with the Waynes, correct?

Penguin: I was, 'till someone did the world a favour and blew the brains out of little Wayne's self-righteous parents. I was laughing for weeks. It still brings a smile to my face.

Strange: And you think that's ok?

Penguin: Ok? No, I don't think it's ok. I think it's bloody hysterical. That family destroyed mine. What happened to them, well, it couldn't have happened to nicer people.


Tape Two: 

Strange: Take a seat Mr Cobblepot.

Penguin: What is it now, Strange?

Strange: I wanted to talk about your apparent hatred of the Waynes. Your outburst last time was most interesting.

Penguin: It's simple really, I don't like the snivelling little bastard. Look at him. All high and mighty because someone killed mummy and daddy.

Strange: Most people look upon him with sympathy.

Penguin: No they don't. They're jealous. Jealous of his money, his cars, his women. He lost his sympathy when he vanished for all those years. I can't tell you how much I hoped he was visiting his dear mum and dad.

Strange: Where do you suppose he went?

Penguin: How am I supposed to know?

Strange: Let us move on, then.

Penguin: No. It's time that you do something for me.

Strange: And what is that?

Penguin: Here's a list.


Tape Three:

Penguin: I thought I told you, Strange, no more little questions until you give me what I want.

Strange: Take a look, Mr Cobblepot. Here is a purchase order for the various firearms you require. I must say, you chose an exotic selection.

Penguin: I only take the best.

Strange: A wise strategy.

Penguin: So, what's yours?

Strange: Excuse me?

Penguin: What are you up to? Why would you give me, me of all people guns, explosives... all this stuff?

Strange: Arkham City is an experiment, Mr Cobblepot, a new way of thinking. We've separated you from society, so I'm more than willing to study the results if you all just decide to kill each other. Besides, your feud with the Joker is intriguing.

Penguin: I was here first. I bought my museum and the Iceberg Lounge fair and square. It was you and that mayor that stuck us all together.

Strange: Again, you refer to owning things, quite fascinating. I believe we gave you the opportunity to leave.

Penguin: And take over my turf? Never.


Tape Four: 

Strange: Good evening Mr Cobblepot. I trust you received the second delivery.

Penguin: Yeah, I did. I don't know what you did to those dribbling monkeys, Strange, but they were perfect.

Strange: I'm glad. It appears we can both help each other.

Penguin: If you say so. I suppose it doesn't hurt that by the time I'm done with 'em, they're usually in too many pieces for anyone to know what you are really getting up to in those rooms of yours.

Strange: I have no idea what you are talking about.

Penguin: Of course not. So, Hugo, the clown. Is he really dying?

Strange: It appears so. Self-inflicted, of course, but yes he is. He has Mister Freeze working on a potential cure, but I'm sure neither of us want him to get his hands on it, do we?


Tape Five:

Penguin: We're ready.

Strange: Good. Now one last thing. Your face.

Penguin: It's beautiful, isn't it?

Strange: The eye? I believe it was the result of a bar brawl, correct?

Penguin: The toe rag got lucky. He got his though. He took my eye. I took both of his, left him trying to walk across the Gotham Freeway at rush hour. Hilarious.

Strange: You're a rich man, Mr Cobblepot. You could have had that glass removed.

Penguin: They said it was impossible and what the hell, I think it gives me a... more unique look. Know what I mean? Now, where is Freeze?

Strange: He's right here, in the room next door. You can take him with you. Are you familiar with the term Napoleon complex?

Penguin: No. What is it?

Strange: It's nothing. Oh, and one last thing. Here is a list of ten prisoners I believe work for you.

Penguin: Yeah, so what? You want to saw their heads open and scoop out their brains too?

Strange: No, I just thought you'd like to know that they are all in the employ of the GCPD.

Penguin: WHAT?

Strange: I believe you know what to do with them. I don't like being spied on, Mr Cobblepot. Goodnight.

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