The Joker Patient Interviews - Batman: Arkham Asylum (2009)

Tape One
Patient Interview #1, June 16th

Penelope Young: Taped patient interview. Subject has no recorded name, alias listed as The Joker. In the room is Warden Sharp and myself, Dr. Young.

Joker: Is this another one of those boring psych evaluation tests?

Penelope Young: No, it's not. So, you're the famous Joker.

Joker: In the flesh. So, Doc, do you want me to look at the ink blots again? The first one is a kitten I had when I was a child. The second is, hmmm, let's see... a dead elephant. The third is a...

Penelope Young: Very funny. Now let's skip the jokes.

Joker: Skip the jokes? Hey, Sharpie, didn't she get my permanent record?

Warden Quincy Sharp: Be quiet, Clown!

Penelope Young: Every doctor that has ever interviewed you claims a different type of psychosis. Everything from multiple personality disorders to, well... The list is endless.

Joker: (chuckling) I do my best.

Penelope Young: Well, I don't believe it. Anything can be cured given the correct treatment.

Joker: And... you think... you can cure me?

Penelope Young: Oh, I know I can.


Tape Two
Patient Interview #17, July 27th

Penelope Young: Taped patient interview 17. Joker remains uncooperative. My earlier diagnosis remains true. I believe he enjoys his persona too much.

Joker: What's up, Doc?

Penelope Young: Today I thought we'd try something different.

Joker: Oh, you'll make me blush, Doc. I have a girlfriend.

Penelope Young: Dr. Quinzel. I know. I've seen the tapes. I saw what happened.

Joker: What can I say, I'm a charmer.

Penelope Young: Anyway, I thought it would be good to talk about your childhood.

Joker: Ever heard of romance, Doc? I don't give up the goods for free. You have to try harder.

Penelope Young: What are you hiding?

Joker: Didn't you hear me? You scratch my back, Doc, and... well, I won't have you wrapped in plastic and left in a gutter.


Tape Three
Patient Interview #20, August 1st

Penelope Young: Taped patient interview 20. Joker is more interesting than I originally believed. When Project Titan is operational, I believe Joker will be the perfect test subject. Good afternoon. Today I thought I'd skip back to our previous conversations about your family.

Joker: Of course. I was born in a small fishing village. I always wanted to join the circus, but my father wouldn't really let me.

Penelope Young: I don't believe you.

Joker: My father was a cop, one week from retirement when the mob...

Penelope Young: I've seen the movie. What are you scared of?

Joker: Scared?

Penelope Young: Yes, scared! There's obviously something. Something that made you what you are.

Joker: What if... what if I am too scared to remember? It hurts too much.

Penelope Young: Then I can help you.


Tape Four
Case study notes December 22nd

Penelope Young: These are the private notes of Dr. Young. Titan is a success. Even my funding worries have been solved after the unexpected donations from Mr. White. Joker has also shown a remarkable interest in the possibility of a cure. Once the protein bonding process is finalised, I will...

Security Guard: (knocking at door) Dr. Young, you ready?

Penelope Young: Oh, yes. Yes, come in!

Joker: You'll hurt my feelings, Doc, keeping me waiting like that.

Penelope Young: Sit down, you can leave us.

Security Guard: You sure?

Penelope Young: We're fine. Aren't we, Joker?

Joker: Oh yes.

Security Guard: Well, if you insist. I'm just outside. Okay? (closing the door)

Joker: So, is he here? Did your Patient X arrive?

Penelope Young: Yes, I must say progressing more rapidly than I expected. But... enough of that. Let's talk about you.

Joker: No. Let's talk more about your Titan project.

Penelope Young: My what...? How do you...?

Joker: How do I know you have Bane strapped to a table in the basement while you pump him dry? Would you believe a lucky guess?


Tape Five
Case study notes December 23rd

Penelope Young: I've been a fool. Joker was behind it all. He's Jack White, he gave me the money, pulled the strings to release Bane. How could I not have seen it? He's been blackmailing me. He has a crazy plan to create an army of monsters. I want out, but... (telephone ringing) Hello... hello? Dr. Young's office.

Harley Quinn: Please hold for Mr. White.

Penelope Young: What?

Joker: Hello, Doc. We need to talk.

Penelope Young: I'm not doing it, Joker. Do you hear me? Wait, how did you get access to a phone?

Joker: Oh yes, sorry, Doc, had to split. I hate small confined spaces, reminds me of my childhood.

Penelope Young: Another lie?

Joker: Who knows? I certainly don't, but let's not get distracted with details... So anyway. I want my monsters.

Penelope Young: I sent you back the money. I don't want it.

Joker: Do I look like I care about money? I just want my monsters, Doc. And if you don't give them to me, well then, it won't be funny!

Masquerade - Batman: Arkham Knight (2015)

Screw Dad. And screw Bruce Wayne.

Barbara walked through Wayne Manor, dropping the mask and cape from her masquerade ball outfit. She should have guessed that other people would have had the Bat idea, too. Not that it mattered, whatever she wore she'd still be 20 years younger than everybody here. Jeez, she'd rather Dad started dating again than drag her to these things.

At least she had her laptop. Thank God. She just needed an access point that wasn't buried beneath fifteen layers of paranoid-rich-guy encryption. The library, maybe? Barbara pulled back the huge oak door and slipped into the room, set her computer on the desk and...

Damn it! We're not all billionaires, Bruce. Some of us need to check we haven't been outbid on that new pair of escrima sticks. In fact, Barbara decided, didn't rich guys like Wayne owe people like her a little unauthorised net access from time to time?

She used the program she'd written to crack GCPD's network, the time Dad left her sitting in an interview room during Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. It was fast. And it found hidden networks, too. Not that Bruce Wayne would need many of-

Huh.

What was Entrance 6? The signal was strong, close by. Even stronger than the library wireless, in fact. What the hell, Barbara thought, as she tore its defences apart.

She felt it before she heard anything. A cold guest of air as the bookcase behind her disappeared.