The Joker Patient Interviews - Batman: Arkham Asylum (2009)

Tape One
Patient Interview #1, June 16th

Penelope Young: Taped patient interview. Subject has no recorded name, alias listed as The Joker. In the room is Warden Sharp and myself, Dr. Young.

Joker: Is this another one of those boring psych evaluation tests?

Penelope Young: No, it's not. So, you're the famous Joker.

Joker: In the flesh. So, Doc, do you want me to look at the ink blots again? The first one is a kitten I had when I was a child. The second is, hmmm, let's see... a dead elephant. The third is a...

Penelope Young: Very funny. Now let's skip the jokes.

Joker: Skip the jokes? Hey, Sharpie, didn't she get my permanent record?

Warden Quincy Sharp: Be quiet, Clown!

Penelope Young: Every doctor that has ever interviewed you claims a different type of psychosis. Everything from multiple personality disorders to, well... The list is endless.

Joker: (chuckling) I do my best.

Penelope Young: Well, I don't believe it. Anything can be cured given the correct treatment.

Joker: And... you think... you can cure me?

Penelope Young: Oh, I know I can.


Tape Two
Patient Interview #17, July 27th

Penelope Young: Taped patient interview 17. Joker remains uncooperative. My earlier diagnosis remains true. I believe he enjoys his persona too much.

Joker: What's up, Doc?

Penelope Young: Today I thought we'd try something different.

Joker: Oh, you'll make me blush, Doc. I have a girlfriend.

Penelope Young: Dr. Quinzel. I know. I've seen the tapes. I saw what happened.

Joker: What can I say, I'm a charmer.

Penelope Young: Anyway, I thought it would be good to talk about your childhood.

Joker: Ever heard of romance, Doc? I don't give up the goods for free. You have to try harder.

Penelope Young: What are you hiding?

Joker: Didn't you hear me? You scratch my back, Doc, and... well, I won't have you wrapped in plastic and left in a gutter.


Tape Three
Patient Interview #20, August 1st

Penelope Young: Taped patient interview 20. Joker is more interesting than I originally believed. When Project Titan is operational, I believe Joker will be the perfect test subject. Good afternoon. Today I thought I'd skip back to our previous conversations about your family.

Joker: Of course. I was born in a small fishing village. I always wanted to join the circus, but my father wouldn't really let me.

Penelope Young: I don't believe you.

Joker: My father was a cop, one week from retirement when the mob...

Penelope Young: I've seen the movie. What are you scared of?

Joker: Scared?

Penelope Young: Yes, scared! There's obviously something. Something that made you what you are.

Joker: What if... what if I am too scared to remember? It hurts too much.

Penelope Young: Then I can help you.


Tape Four
Case study notes December 22nd

Penelope Young: These are the private notes of Dr. Young. Titan is a success. Even my funding worries have been solved after the unexpected donations from Mr. White. Joker has also shown a remarkable interest in the possibility of a cure. Once the protein bonding process is finalised, I will...

Security Guard: (knocking at door) Dr. Young, you ready?

Penelope Young: Oh, yes. Yes, come in!

Joker: You'll hurt my feelings, Doc, keeping me waiting like that.

Penelope Young: Sit down, you can leave us.

Security Guard: You sure?

Penelope Young: We're fine. Aren't we, Joker?

Joker: Oh yes.

Security Guard: Well, if you insist. I'm just outside. Okay? (closing the door)

Joker: So, is he here? Did your Patient X arrive?

Penelope Young: Yes, I must say progressing more rapidly than I expected. But... enough of that. Let's talk about you.

Joker: No. Let's talk more about your Titan project.

Penelope Young: My what...? How do you...?

Joker: How do I know you have Bane strapped to a table in the basement while you pump him dry? Would you believe a lucky guess?


Tape Five
Case study notes December 23rd

Penelope Young: I've been a fool. Joker was behind it all. He's Jack White, he gave me the money, pulled the strings to release Bane. How could I not have seen it? He's been blackmailing me. He has a crazy plan to create an army of monsters. I want out, but... (telephone ringing) Hello... hello? Dr. Young's office.

Harley Quinn: Please hold for Mr. White.

Penelope Young: What?

Joker: Hello, Doc. We need to talk.

Penelope Young: I'm not doing it, Joker. Do you hear me? Wait, how did you get access to a phone?

Joker: Oh yes, sorry, Doc, had to split. I hate small confined spaces, reminds me of my childhood.

Penelope Young: Another lie?

Joker: Who knows? I certainly don't, but let's not get distracted with details... So anyway. I want my monsters.

Penelope Young: I sent you back the money. I don't want it.

Joker: Do I look like I care about money? I just want my monsters, Doc. And if you don't give them to me, well then, it won't be funny!

Masquerade - Batman: Arkham Knight (2015)

Screw Dad. And screw Bruce Wayne.

Barbara walked through Wayne Manor, dropping the mask and cape from her masquerade ball outfit. She should have guessed that other people would have had the Bat idea, too. Not that it mattered, whatever she wore she'd still be 20 years younger than everybody here. Jeez, she'd rather Dad started dating again than drag her to these things.

At least she had her laptop. Thank God. She just needed an access point that wasn't buried beneath fifteen layers of paranoid-rich-guy encryption. The library, maybe? Barbara pulled back the huge oak door and slipped into the room, set her computer on the desk and...

Damn it! We're not all billionaires, Bruce. Some of us need to check we haven't been outbid on that new pair of escrima sticks. In fact, Barbara decided, didn't rich guys like Wayne owe people like her a little unauthorised net access from time to time?

She used the program she'd written to crack GCPD's network, the time Dad left her sitting in an interview room during Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. It was fast. And it found hidden networks, too. Not that Bruce Wayne would need many of-

Huh.

What was Entrance 6? The signal was strong, close by. Even stronger than the library wireless, in fact. What the hell, Barbara thought, as she tore its defences apart.

She felt it before she heard anything. A cold guest of air as the bookcase behind her disappeared.

Prodigal - Batman: Arkham Knight (2015)

Nightwing grappled to the warehouse roof and secreted himself in darkness. He'd chased the truck here on foot and was using a technique Bruce had taught him to control his breathing; a plume of steaming breath could easily give away his position to the guards by the skylight. Not that they sounded very observant.

"I hate this stinking place, give me Gotham any day," the first thug said.

"Yeah, sooner we get back there the better," his buddy replied.

Nightwing was well aware of his adopted city's shortcomings, he just didn't need to hear it from these goons. He considered taking them out, sneaking further inside. No, best do this clean.

"Still, no way we could get away with something like this with Batman around."

"Who we gotta worry about here? Nightwing?! He's like a baby Batman."

Two electrified escrima sticks bounced up and struck the base of both skulls, cutting their laughter short.

That nerve was as raw now as the day he left the manor. Bruce had sent him away like a parent packing a teenage son off to college. He wasn't grown up yet, not in Bruce's eyes.

Looking down through the angled glass, scores of men were busy at work. Hundreds of crates, thousands of guns. The operation was bigger than he thought. And it was heading to back to Gotham.

You missed this one, Bruce. This college kid was going home.

Legacy - Batman: Arkham Knight (2015)

Bruce gripped his father's hand as the elevator rocketed skyward. Confined spaces still made him anxious, but his father provided comfort, just as he did on all those nights Bruce would wake screaming, paralysed with fear, reliving the moment he'd found himself trapped inside the dank, bat-infested cave beneath the grounds of the manor.

He breathed a sigh of relief when the elevator finally slowed to a halt and the doors opened into Thomas Wayne's plush new office at the summit of Wayne Tower.

"Take a look, son." His father said, leading Bruce to the vast windows overlooking Gotham's smog-shrouded skyline.

The boy pressed his palms against the cold glass and felt a dizzying rush as he gazed down at the miniature city below.

"Gotham's been good to us, Bruce, and we have a responsibility to give something back. This tower's just the beginning of our legacy, a legacy I hope you'll continue long after I'm gone."

Bruce looked up to meet his father's eyes. The thought of losing him had never crossed the young boy's mind, and suddenly Bruce was back in that cave, alone, the piercing screech of bats filling his ears.

Change of Heart - Batman: Arkham Knight (2015)

"More guns, Mister Wayne ?", said Lucius, eyeing the proposed specifications for the new Batmobile.

They were in Lucius' office. Bruce's office, technically, thought Lucius spent most time here. Bruce had turned up, dutifully, for the bi-annual departmental heads meeting at WayneTech. Lucius had watched Bruce work the room, smiling and shaking the hands of senior technicians, biochemists, engineers, software-security experts, making just enough informed conversation with Lucius' chief systems engineer to impress yet not shock her. And then he and Bruce had retired here. Lucius doubted anyone else had noticed Wayne favouring his right leg as it recovered from whatever he'd subjected to it the night before.

"Can you do it ?" Bruce asked. All the easy charm from the meeting room was gone. It would seem like unfriendliness to a casual observer, Lucius thought. But it was the opposite. Bruce dis his friends, the people he trusted, the honour of not pretending.

Lucius smiled. It wouldn't be easy. WayneTech had been out of the arms industry for a while. Could claim the guns for testing materials when he made the order, he reasoned, and do all the prototyping alone.

"Why the change of heart, Mister Wayne ?"

Lucius, always the pragmatist, had long campaigned for a more offensively equipped Batmobile. Just in case, Bruce had resisted him until now. But ever since Joker died his employer had been... not aggressive, exactly. Lucius couldn't quite identify the change.

"Just in case," Bruce said, as he left the room.

False Dawn - Batman: Arkham Knight (2015)

"Gotham's no kind of place to raise a child."

Those were Ellen's first words when he'd told her about the promotion and transfer to GCPD. To say the move had put a strain on their marriage would be an understatement. The first few months were difficult, but gradually she'd established roots, made new friends, warmed to life in the city. Commissioner Gordon had even promised to use his influence to secure their son Tyler a place at McCallum Academy. Life was good.

Then Arkham City happened. Ellen's doubts resurfaced. The honeymoon period was over.

He'd convinced her to stick it out for another year. If things didn't improve, they'd move back to her family in Keystone. The promise was a gamble - he hated Keystone as much as he hated the in-laws - and at the time Gotham looked like it was spiralling into the abyss. But now, nine months on, as he stood with his family among a throng of tourists on the Lady of Gotham's viewing platform, he was satisfied that the gamble had paid off.

There was a different feel about Gotham these days. Joker was dead, the nightmare of Arkham City was a distant memory, and crime continued to fall.

Across the water, amid the glittering lanterns of Chinatown, Halloween decorations were being hoisted high above the street.

"Dad, are you gonna take me to the parade ?"

"Sorry kiddo, Daddy has to work. But your mother will take you. Right, honey ?"

Ellen jabbed him in the ribs, smiling.

"Whatever you say, Officer Owens."

Just Jack - Batman: Arkham Knight (2015)

Jack Ryder's weekly Column - only in the Herald!

Hey there Gotham - Jack's back !

I know, I know, it's been a while. But I've been busy. Book deals. TV appearances. Negotiations to syndicate this very column. Those things take time, Jack-fans. Too much time, actually. And the agents never call you back. So I decided to give up on them. Besides, I already had a starring role in the televisual event of the season.

Yep, that was my handsome face you saw sprouting from an immaculately tailored suit and giving evidence to the Arkham City Commission. And I just want to set the record straight. Yes, I said that Arkham City was illegal. Yes, I produced a documentary evidence of prisoners being abused, degraded, forced to live in squalor and nearly killed. And yes, I said that anyone exposed to such horrors should be released and generously compensated. But let's get one thing straight, Gotham.

I was talking about me.

I didn't need to see that crap. I shouldn't have even been there. I saw one guy eating his own arm when food supplies ran low ! His own arm ! I mean, he didn't look like he was accustomed to haute cuisine on the other side of the wall. But me ? I dine well, Gotham. And I needed therapy after.

So all you losers sending me hate mail. Stop it. It's not my fault all the crooks got free. I just wanted Gotham City to repay its debt to me. And I'm sure you do too.

JusticeForJackRyder

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